The Pentagon of Friendships

I love friendships.  I have friends that have known me since I was a little girl.  I have friends that have only known me a few months, but the connection is already deep and treasured.  I have friends that have journeyed with me through the loss of both my parents and the birth of my three children.  I have friends that have rejoiced with me through the high points of my career and family life and the dark days of doubt and self-absorption.  My life is permeated with friends.

Friendship is one of the terms that God uses to describe how he feels about us and how He desires us to feel about Him.  The vertical relationship we have with God has a profound impact on our horizontal friendships.  In Scripture, God has laid out for us the qualities He desires to fill us with so that we can be a godly friend, one that is worthy to be called a Soul Friend.  It is our friendship with God that fills us with these qualities.  We are then able to pass them to others as a gift of friendship.

     Ephesians 4:2, & 3 lists five qualities of friendship that, when offered to a relationship, provide a solid basis from which deep friendships can be nurtured.

 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make very effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Humility is the opposite of pride.  Pride keeps others out of our lives while humility welcomes them in.  Humility draws us to a heart level and prompts us to be authentic and to properly guard the gift of confidentiality we have been given.  It also causes us to recognize our own imperfections, thereby reducing our tendency to judge.

Gentleness is the opposite of roughness.  Gentleness breaks down walls and meets others with tenderness and care.  Grace spills out of a gentle spirit.

Patience is the opposite of intolerance and recklessness.  Patience invokes self-control as we walk alongside someone on their journey.  We offer them the gift of forgiveness and encouragement as we journey together for the long haul.

Bearing with one another in love is the opposite of being disconnected.  When we bear with each other in love we commit to hang in through thick and thin, offering love along the way.  It also means we accept love as we journey through our valleys and mountains.  Bearing with one another is a two-way street.

Keeping the unity through peace is the opposite of allowing dissention to divide, and yet not fearing to confront in order to bring about reconciliation.  When we make peace with God, we have taken a huge step towards having peace in our hearts, peace in our families and peace in our friendships.

     Friendships are as varied as the people they represent.  The qualities of a friend, outlined in Ephesians, are very specific.  When we attempt to produce these qualities on our own, offering them as a gift in our friendships, our success will be limited, and we will fall short of what is needed.  On my own, I can be quite stingy with these qualities, metering them out as if they are of limited supply.  Maybe this is because we think that God will give us just enough of these qualities to make our relationships work.  I don’t think that is how God works.  He is a God of abundance and makes our cup overflow. 

     When we open our hearts to God, allowing Him to fill us with His humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance and peacemaking, we are going to have enough to extravagantly spill into our friends.  Extravagant  humility.  Extravagant grace.  Extravagant patience.  Extravagant forbearance.  Extravagant peacemaking.  Offer these to your friendships and you will experience life at a deep soul level in a way you were created to and have longed for, but of which you have only dreamed.